Put him in mothballs.

Just mulch your garden beds with shredded leaves next spring.

Put quinine on her thumb and she'll stop sucking it quick enough.

Sprinkle the fish with salt and pepper and lay it on top of the vegetables.

And if you are ill, or on a journey, or one of you comes after answering the call of nature, or you have been in contact with women (by sexual relations) and you find no water, perform Tayammum with clean earth and rub therewith your faces and hands (Tayammum).

If you are sick, or traveling, or one of you comes from the toilet, or you have had intercourse with women, and cannot find water, find clean sand and wipe your faces and your hands with it.

If you are either ill or travelling or have satisfied a want of nature or have had contact with women and can find no water, then betake yourselves to pure earth, passing with it lightly over your face and your hands.

And if ye be ill, or on a journey, or one of you cometh from the closet, or ye have touched women, and ye find not water, then go to high clean soil and rub your faces and your hands (therewith).

But in case you are ill or are travelling, or you have relieved yourself of nature's call, or cohabited with a woman, and cannot find water, then take wholesome dust and pass it over your face and hands God is benign and forgiving.

And if ye be ailing or on a journey, or one of you cometh from the privy have touched women, or ye and ye find not water, then betake your selves to clean earth and wipe your faces and your hands therewith verily Allah is ever Pardoning, Forgiving.